You have a lot of sexual hang-ups. Don’t confuse sex with love if there’s not a committed relationship! I’m NOT going to sit at home when you’re not here, and you shouldn’t, either. I may like a guy enough to have sex with him. You should do that if you meet a woman who turns you on, too. I’m willing to chance that you’ll fall for someone else – I don’t think you will, but it’s a chance – and you have to give me that chance, too. Until Christmas, anyhow. If we still think . . .’ ‘Yeah, yeah, I know. Time enough for exclusive relationships in January. I’ll play your game.’ We talked of other things: our plans for the weekend, for her next trip, her kids, my divorce. Then the conversation ended. That night in Hempstead were hell! ‘Joe, listen to this!’ Barbara said soon after I called her the next night. A new voice came over the phone. ‘Hi, Barbara, it’s Walter. I’m sorry I didn’t catch you at home. Look, I’d love to spend some time with you Thursday or Friday, whenever you’re. A wet brown stain ran from my right breast and widened its way down to my waist. My dark skirt now looked like I had peed myself. I bit my lip trying not to cry. Foolishly, I chose anger instead. ‘You bastard!’ I said more loudly than prudent. What the hell was he doing here anyway? We were in a rotunda near the front entrance. A lot of heads turned. ‘Are you trying to ruin my life?’ I heard a small echo when I finished. Richard was trying to say something and couldn’t find the words. I saw his eyes going red and his head turning back and forth like he was looking for help. I was pissed at his lack of compassion even when I knew I shouldn’t expect it from him. ‘What the hell, Richard?’ I goaded with anger. I leaned over a bit to try to limit the wetness on my skin. ‘Sorry…’ Richard pleaded. There was pain in his voice and I could see his hand shaking a bit. I hated myself at that moment. I just couldn’t stop myself from being me. ‘Sorry? You throw coffee on me, fuck up my whole.
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